reclaiming the mid-life crisis for womankind

through my recent troubles i’ve been dogged by the highly irritating phenomenon of people merrily informing me i’m having a midlife crisis. 

oh how i hate this.  it makes me sound like a stupid bloke trying to reclaim my youth with ill advised affairs (oh.  yes i do see….).  and i’ve always been first in the queue to point and laugh at men clearly in the throes of one.  its quite mortifying to suddenly be the object of derision.

so no more.  in true me fashion, i’ve decided to reclaim my midlife crisis. 

it might be embarrassing – but the fact is, its normally men doing the crisis-ing.  women only seem to be allowed certain suitably feminine crises – mostly kid related melt-downs over inability to have them or at the other end of the scale abandonment crises when they fly the nest (though they don’t these days, do they?).  as always, we get pigeon holed into a zero sum of thwarted or lost fertility, as though our sole purpose in life was as breeding machines.

so i’m quite proud of having had an old school inapproprate sexual behaviour melt-down. not saying all male behaviours are desirable, but why shouldn’t we fuck up just like they do.  it’s been quite interesting to note the outrage of most peoples’ reactions.  i appear to be largely outside the map.

truth is i think theres a lot of fear at the notion of rebelling against what is, not for nothing, referred to as an institution.   only even the concept of rebellion makes the institution all powerful.  as though the only conceivable reason for my behaviour was to flout my husband’s authority.  well maybe it was a bit, but you know what?  some of my emotions are actually endogenous.  they aren’t all about him.

is like when i got a tattoo and my mum decided i’d “just done it to spite her”.  er.  nope.  i did it because i wanted to.

doesn’t make my recent behaviour good, but its mine and i take responsibility for it.

am trying to figure out positive role models to think of in my lunacy.  ok i have the lovely (ha) julie burchill but lets face it, she’s a brilliant writer but not necessarily a healthy role model.  after that i have only come up with sam taylor-wood so far, but boy she did hers in style. 

gosh though. she does look a bit smug. think what i like so much is that she clearly knows it won't last but doesn'ty seem to care. no fear of pain. this is very cool. not sure about that shiny suit of his though.

not actually sure i’d want to marry a 19 year old and have another baby, mind.

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