how literal

number 1 son to number 2:    i’m going to kick your head in.

number 2 son:    no no, please don’t it might make my eyeballs pop out.

literary daisy chaining

reading book by another of my lit crushes – lynn barber this time.  this sentence made me laugh, cringe and identify with all at the same time:

“My father often quoted charles kingsley’s line ‘be good sweet maid and let who can be clever’ but he said it sarcastically – he wanted me to be clever and let who can be good.”

in the same chapter she in turn quotes her lit crush – julie burchill - (yeah another of mine too.  oh dear.  is like horrible pretentious daisy chain)  

“when i discovered writing it was as if i’d been speaking a second language up til then and finally discovered my mother tongue”

the ladies write better but pictorially the daisy wins. how unsisterly of me.

barber interviewed her once.  i seem to recall she actually asked something breathless like – gosh was tony parsons dreadfully humiliated by how much better you are at writing?? 

on a final note of lit fawning – ms burchill fully in character with her bitchy review of nick kent’s auto biog last week – http://bit.ly/9PaKQz -  issuing magnificent put downs while referring to her own (i knew i was right) as “majestic”.

love rat bonanza

jesus christ.  now even nicety nice mark owen in serial love cheat shocker??

my head is spinning. 

tiger woods was – well, funny actually.  thanks to his wife trashing the car.  (rather beats me merely losing an iphone.  though percentage of  income-wise, i’m guessing my loss was greater, sadly) 

ashley cole and john terry were a given.  even in those bizarre baggy y fronts.  vernon kaye was no great surprise.  but little mark owen?  god.  its like finding out the tooth fairy does porno.

i can’t work out – do all these stories reflect a social trend towards more and different forms of infidelity - as this article in the observer suggests –  http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2010/mar/07/polly-vernon-infidelity-betrayal-help-relationships .  the emphasis on virtual infidelity is certainly making me feel like the worst kind of early adopter right now….

or is it just that all the love rats decided they may as well blow cover now since everyone seems to be at it.  like the political spin trick of burying tricky announcements on a busy news day.

nightmare

number 1 son told me tonight about a nightmare he’d had recently.  we were in the car together with rest of family and uncles (bit of a squeeze but i let this pass) on a bridge that collapsed.  we all fell through the air – and then i thought, following the conventions of dreams, that he would say he woke up before we landed.  but no.  we landed, and all escaped with bruises.  he was most specific about the locations of these bruises too – one had them on arms, another on back, another on forehead et cetera. only then did he wake up.  i said you know you can call for us, or come and get into bed with us if you have a nightmare and wake up frightened.  he replied

“its ok mum (he’s 8.  ship now sailed on mummy.  fair enough) i went back to sleep and then dreamed that a whale came to rescue us and he took us back to safety.”

gosh.  when did he get so grown up?  doesn’t need me to soothe away nightmares thanks!  he’s got it all covered.

so farewell then

6 music. 

in all the coverage, and my gosh isn’t everyone in a tizz about it, i found this website, devoted to showing indigestible screeds of information in pretty ways:  http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/

mmm. data

i like.

i have also divined from the datasheet behind it (you know me.  like to get the bonnet up) that the BBC spends over twice as much a year on cbeebies as it does on 6music. 

this is ridiculous.  given that we’re not supposed to let our kids watch tv anyway, if we decide to fry their tiny hardwiring ignoring this advice, can we at least just give them the proper whizz-bang stuff on the commercial kids’ channels – of which there are hundreds – and not spunk our money on dull cbeebies progs that annoy me by making a fortune in merch for cunts like jeffrey archer of teletubby millionaire fame?

the modfather

ok i take it all back.  have never seen paul weller live before.  i’m not a bloke and i’m not a mod.  i just don’t really get it.  though i do have a rather shameful fondness for the style council which i accept is just wilfully odd.  like saying timothy dalton was your favourite bond or something.

i was wrong.  he came on at this haiti thing and did a 20 minute set ending with back to back eton rifles and town called malice.  they were fucking fantastic.  and although he apparently never rewards audiences at his full gigs for listening to his meandering recent work with jam classics, he looked like he really enjoyed doing them.   awesome. 

was quite funny though watching all these men of a certain age going mental when they realised what he was playing.

still not sure what he’s thinking persisting with that riah though.  as sue would say, paul that hair is insane.

frosted streaks, spiky middle bit, weird shortie fringe, random layers, long over the ears, feathered, mullety back. this isn't a style. its a list of crimes against hairdressing.

colonic update

oh my word! had a glass of champagne at lunchtime – my first drink post colonic. 

it was   a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

i have never felt so zingy after one small glass of fizz.  really fantastic. 

i realise this probably isn’t what the nice people in white coats intend with the treatment, but for a girl who’s never going to be purer than snow it sure is a nice benefit.

might have another tonight….

if alcohol feels this good i can only imagine how celestially brilliant hooping would feel right now.  um.  not that i have any knowledge of such matters. 

really.  what kind of girl do you take me for??